feelings...

so i found my younger sister,older sister,younger brother and older brother...have talked to my sisters...older bro hasnt called me back yet and younger bro just hasnt called yet...


this whole thing has been super scary...would they want to talk to me..do they even have any interest? I mean jade and jarod tried to contact me a while back and i said no..so now will they want anything to do with me? Its been like 17 years...or their entire lifetime...what really makes someone a sibling...is it birth, is it choice? I dont just want to find them, i want to build a relationship with them, but will they want any part of that?? Is it oh she is okay, thats good and leave it there ya know...
Well so i have talked to Jade and Kenyada..both went well in my opinion...i would love to forge a relationship with them, family is so important..i dont know if they have the same feelings or not... I called my older bro jarod on thursday, he has yet to return my call..guess its not important to him... its sometimes hard to realize what you want, isnt what others want ya know? I think ill call my little bro jesse tonight or tomorrow night...its weird how in my heart i love all four of them, yet i dont really know them...its almost a natural thing ya know?? i cant discribe it... and i feel weird and vulnerable... but i am still excited about this all...

differences...

between sisters...
So today i was thinking how different my sister Katie and i are...

• she is preppy/cowgirlish(however that works): I am granolaish:)
• she cant live without country: I prefer a rockier or folkish sound
• she thinks my sense of humor is retarded:i think she doesnt have one
• she wont be "silly" in public: being silly in public is part of life:)
• all she has pierced is her ears:i have my nose pierced
• her friends are preppy or whatever:mine are a comglomerate of who knows what
• she has no desire to (and never has) to go to any bible school: I am on year two
• She is going for a degree in political science/government: This next fall i am goign to massage school
• she is SUPER outgoing: i am alot more introverted(she keeps telling me to break out of my shell)
• she loves to run: i think she is crazy for it
• she dyes her hair blonder:i dye mine brown
• she is 5'6"(average): i am 5'3"(short)
• She could care less about the past:it interests me and i wonder
• she is withdrawn emotionally(i guess emotionally distantish):i need to learn to control my emotions

so ya those are just some of our differences..it makes me laugh... and i guess think...how can two people growing up in the same household(well minus 4 years) be so different...what makes us who we are????

sometimes...

...you just feel like writing....

really not sure what though...

• sometimes i think about the past and wonder what and why
• Sometimes i think about the future and do the same
• i was reading a karen kingsberry book last night and couldnt stop bawling(really quite pathetic)
• in biblical counseling class we had to pick a sin to work on... i went with being controlled by emotions...
• not sure how that will playout yet
• its weird how my sister katie and i have the same issues yet they play out differently(or so i think)
• man i miss getting hugs, i feel since coming to bozeman i dont get enough
• i love to give massages but feel like i dont really have anyone in bozeman to give them too
• this saturday we may take a journey to billings, that should be a fun/FUNNY adventure
• i am sad i dont get invited to any of the bible college things
• i would love to see one of my two best friends
• sometimes i wonder why people ask my advice or tell me things because half (actually most of the time) i have no idea what to say, and i fail.
• if i go without laughing for any semi medium amount of time, i start to feel sad
• according to Mckenna i have a passion for birth-defected australians(actually he was new zealand there Mckenna:))
• i need to work on not reacting:P
• dawn loves to run over small kittens in her car( i swear i didnt put that as your status,whoever did is funny though)
• my class on cults is SUPER interesting, but half the time i am blown away how it even makes sense to them
• i would love to be able to write a book

well i am getting tired..so i shall continue my crazy lists later