Blessings....

I sometimes forget all that God has blessed me with. If I would just remember my view on God might be a little more accurate. It amazes me how quickly I forget how faithful God is after all He has done for me.
- He is growing me into a woman of character. Though it may be painful and I may have no idea where it is going.

- even though I may not have been given anyone's dream birth family or even adoptive family. God has given me an extended family who have loved me and friends who have adopted me into their family. I am exceedingly greatful though at times I forget and it's still lonely.

- He has given me a dream in my heart for adoption and make a difference in children's lives.

- I do not take for granted that he has allowed to on a small level make a difference in kids lives on Sunday morning. I do not take these kids trust lightly.

- God thank you for putting friends in my life who trust me with their "lives" not physically but emotionally and such. I do not take their trust lightly either God. I pray that I am worthy of it.

- I thank you God that you have caused me to start to trust people with my "life" and that is a continual process.

- thank you for beginning the process of teaching me true forgiveness of years of abandonment and hurt. I pray that you would continue it to conpletetion no matter how hard I fight you. We may think we have forgiven but it's not until we have been faced with the issue head on that we begin to heal.

That's just to start. Thank you for taking the time to read my crazy thoughts.

my thoughts...

.....from the past week or so....

• I like to think I am all brave and independent, but in reality its a cover so i dont look weak...sometimes unhealthily i think i dont need anyone, or should trust them with my feelings...i think its my defense against more emotional pain...
• my future terrifies me some days: I have always known what my end goal was (even if it changed, I had a plan) for the first time I dont have that, I dont even know what to do for the next section of my life...I have decided to focus on that instead of the rest of my life...
• Can I just say it some days sucks to be 23 and to have never been on a date...I know God has protected me, but sometimes with our culture of dating...you wonder whats wrong with you. Yesterday Rachel and I were talking about this guy I liked one summer, that we think liked me too, and Rachel said I think if he had asked you out, the two of you would be married by now...not going to lie that freaked me out a little... I     think I would not have been ready for marriage then, or even now...so maybe its a good thing I have not been on a date yet, I do pray that the only guy that asks me out, is the guy i marry...but we shall see what God has planned for my life...as being someone who reads the end of the book first, finds out what happens in the movie, and just has plain ol' control issues sometimes does not like not knowing my future....I guess that's probably why... God is trying to teach me patience and dependence on Him..now if i could just hurry up and learn lol 
• With all that I have been feeling, I need to remember above all I have been immensely blessed. Even if I had nothing else the fact that Jesus was willing to die on a cross for my sick,sinfulness is more blessing then any human deserves!

We are called to more....

...then this....

  Okay friends there is an issue I am passionate about, and I have some views here...I hope you see my heart! Human trafficking,sex slavery,and child slavery are all issues that are issues of my heart. There is just something I need to say. We as Americans are ridiculous. We spend all this time talking about Charlie Sheen, Who got voted off dancing with the stars,american idol,survivor,who the cute boy is at the table over in the corner (do you think he loves Jesus? lol), and what movie is our favorite and it needs to stop! I am not saying anything to y'all that I dont need to say to myself. We need to worry more about what is happening to the people around us. Jesus has called us to so much more than who has gotten voted off of America's Next Top Model. We need to stand up and do something. As a church we need to care, it needs to break our hearts. Also I am going to be totally honest with yall, yes its important we worry about animals as they can not protect themselves. Seriously though we are more worried about whether or not the chickens have enough room to move around,PETA, or should you eat meat? In my humble opinion we need to deal with the atrocities that face our fellow neighbors first, once those are all dealt with then we can move on and deal with the issue of if the chickens have enough room. When did animals take precedent over the twelve year old girl sold into sexual slavery in a neighborhood within our very own country? It should not be so my friends.
     This is a call to more, a call to a broken heart for the hurting with us,a call to come and be Jesus' hands and feet. This is not just a call to you, but a call to myself as well. I would love it if as a group of people we could come together for a common cause and make a difference. I plan on finding a cause within this realm and i will introduce it here. I would love it if y'all would come and join me.

its....blog....

TIME...

•    so today at work i called an idiot by a customer, i had to put it on mute while i laughed to myself...i can honestly say in this case i was not being an idiot...
• the new francesca batistelli album came out today, and i bought it, but have not listened to it today. I am so stinking excited!
• I found this internship with an organization that fights human trafficking that I really want to do
• The rock and worship road show tour is this friday and I am so excited to go. Lacrae with friends. YES!
• tomorrow night is the first night of the all new and improved skull church, i am going with my friend Gretchikins and  i am so very excited.
• My birthday dinner at fazooli's on saturday was amazing! I high recommend it to yall. Its in somers. 
• so i realized that my blog is not really thought provoking, so my goal is to try to write at least one thought provoking blog a month, we shall see how this goes. 
• well i am sleepy and its time for beddy bye...G'night friends! I lurve you

blogging....

...for books!

• Just wanted to tell you about something pretty cool called blogging for books....so if you love to read and you blog this is the site for you..its from waterbrook multnomah book publishers, and pretty much what you do is pick a book off the list they have for you, you read it then blog a review and post the review to their website and as long as you do that you may then go pick another book and thus the process continues...my first book is on its way! http://www.waterbrookmultnomah.com/bloggingforbooks/

• I just had my 23rd birthday and it was great, am excited for dinner on saturday with friends! Its going to be a good time!

• i had a lot of fun with my friend Sarah this weekend in missoula, not going to lie i am a little jealous she is currently in the warmness of arizonia!
• March 4th is the concert in missoula and i am stinking excited it will be a good time with friends
• btw i would love to encourage each of you to do the 30 day picture challenge on facebook its fun, and amazing to watch others lol 
• loves to you all

you cant choose your story...

...but you can choose your lines....

• I am really enjoying my classes this semester...they are so interesting
• I have decided i need to be more positive
• God has truly blessed me
• I am excited to go to missoula on saturday with some friends...
• thanks for taking the time to read my blog
• if yall could pray for me that would be fantastic...i cant share yet why but soon :)

12 things...

that make my heart happy...

• red nail polish
• cuddling babies
• buying people gifts
• seeing people i love laugh
• gerber daisies
• tulips
• francesca battistelli music
• robin jones gunn books
• writting(fonts)
• sunshine
• tim tebow
• football

thank you!...

to my new followers thank you :) time for a positive post...

• after my emotional outburst (as my boss calls it) in yesterdays post, today was amazing
• i love my kids in my sunday school class...when they move up to the next class i am going to be so very sad...and today was even better than usual for some reason..i had so much fun with them
• i met up with some friends to play volleyball and it was such a blast and hey i was better than usual (even though i kept getting yelled at for talking to much :)) i fully felt comfortable 
• then we came back to my house ate some chili i had made, watched salt and just had fun conversation...
• over all i LOVED my day :) 
• i whine too much about deep friends, i should be thankful for the ones i have been given and work on making those deep :)
• i just cant help it...i am actually excited about my upcoming classes...
• Intro to Psychology
• Intro to Sociology
• Art History Survey II
• Intro to American Government
• Intro to Human Services and Social Work
• I have an amazing roommate...SUSAN GOLLIDAY i love you friend...your dogs eh...well they have their moments
• Tomorrow i have lunch at Bonelli''s bistro with my friend Leslie...i always have fun with her...love you leslie :)
• so this guy i know shane has a blog and he wrote this blog entry and its super powerful yall should check it out....http://shanesmusings.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/how-devoted-are%C2%A0you/
• its time for bed love you all and thanks for taking the time from your busy schedule to read this....i appreciate it 

new year....

...and i am venting...i guess its more of an emotional outbreak...

     Fakeness, I hate hate hate hate it!!! My life has been filled with people who say one thing and then are not there in the end...the long hall...i feel like its such a common thing among Christians and it bothers me... Christians have clicks and i am not saying i am perfect or that i dont participate in this but its wrong... I can understand being drawn toward people you have things in common with but leaving people out is wrong... I think one of the reasons i am on this rampage is because well relationships are important to me and if i have made any of you not think that i apologize.
   I can definitely admit i am not the greatest at them, i try but i feel as if i fall short all the time...I know i have mentioned this before but i think bozeman ruined this for me... I had three amazing woman of God for friends and we were inseparable...in my heart thats the type of friendship i desire...we teased each other,were there for each other and just had an all around blast. I miss that. I am finally after a year starting to in some situations feel like i fit in...the sad situation ( i am not trying to be dramatic or anything of the sort just sharing my heart) is my church is not one of them...I absolutely love the teaching and the worship...but other than that i dont really feel as i fit in...i have been going (two years this summer) and i do not feel as if i have made any amazing friendships... this is most definitely mostly my fault but it bothers me and i dont know how to go about changing that....any ideas friends? I can pretty much say i know i am going to notice this more because well in a week my work schedule changes and i will be working mon-fri 1:30-6:30 i know i am going to end up with lots of time on my hands and its going to drive me nuts....i thrive off spending time with people..heres praying something changes....