my thoughts...

.....from the past week or so....

• I like to think I am all brave and independent, but in reality its a cover so i dont look weak...sometimes unhealthily i think i dont need anyone, or should trust them with my feelings...i think its my defense against more emotional pain...
• my future terrifies me some days: I have always known what my end goal was (even if it changed, I had a plan) for the first time I dont have that, I dont even know what to do for the next section of my life...I have decided to focus on that instead of the rest of my life...
• Can I just say it some days sucks to be 23 and to have never been on a date...I know God has protected me, but sometimes with our culture of dating...you wonder whats wrong with you. Yesterday Rachel and I were talking about this guy I liked one summer, that we think liked me too, and Rachel said I think if he had asked you out, the two of you would be married by now...not going to lie that freaked me out a little... I     think I would not have been ready for marriage then, or even now...so maybe its a good thing I have not been on a date yet, I do pray that the only guy that asks me out, is the guy i marry...but we shall see what God has planned for my life...as being someone who reads the end of the book first, finds out what happens in the movie, and just has plain ol' control issues sometimes does not like not knowing my future....I guess that's probably why... God is trying to teach me patience and dependence on Him..now if i could just hurry up and learn lol 
• With all that I have been feeling, I need to remember above all I have been immensely blessed. Even if I had nothing else the fact that Jesus was willing to die on a cross for my sick,sinfulness is more blessing then any human deserves!