Blessings....

I sometimes forget all that God has blessed me with. If I would just remember my view on God might be a little more accurate. It amazes me how quickly I forget how faithful God is after all He has done for me.
- He is growing me into a woman of character. Though it may be painful and I may have no idea where it is going.

- even though I may not have been given anyone's dream birth family or even adoptive family. God has given me an extended family who have loved me and friends who have adopted me into their family. I am exceedingly greatful though at times I forget and it's still lonely.

- He has given me a dream in my heart for adoption and make a difference in children's lives.

- I do not take for granted that he has allowed to on a small level make a difference in kids lives on Sunday morning. I do not take these kids trust lightly.

- God thank you for putting friends in my life who trust me with their "lives" not physically but emotionally and such. I do not take their trust lightly either God. I pray that I am worthy of it.

- I thank you God that you have caused me to start to trust people with my "life" and that is a continual process.

- thank you for beginning the process of teaching me true forgiveness of years of abandonment and hurt. I pray that you would continue it to conpletetion no matter how hard I fight you. We may think we have forgiven but it's not until we have been faced with the issue head on that we begin to heal.

That's just to start. Thank you for taking the time to read my crazy thoughts.

my thoughts...

.....from the past week or so....

• I like to think I am all brave and independent, but in reality its a cover so i dont look weak...sometimes unhealthily i think i dont need anyone, or should trust them with my feelings...i think its my defense against more emotional pain...
• my future terrifies me some days: I have always known what my end goal was (even if it changed, I had a plan) for the first time I dont have that, I dont even know what to do for the next section of my life...I have decided to focus on that instead of the rest of my life...
• Can I just say it some days sucks to be 23 and to have never been on a date...I know God has protected me, but sometimes with our culture of dating...you wonder whats wrong with you. Yesterday Rachel and I were talking about this guy I liked one summer, that we think liked me too, and Rachel said I think if he had asked you out, the two of you would be married by now...not going to lie that freaked me out a little... I     think I would not have been ready for marriage then, or even now...so maybe its a good thing I have not been on a date yet, I do pray that the only guy that asks me out, is the guy i marry...but we shall see what God has planned for my life...as being someone who reads the end of the book first, finds out what happens in the movie, and just has plain ol' control issues sometimes does not like not knowing my future....I guess that's probably why... God is trying to teach me patience and dependence on Him..now if i could just hurry up and learn lol 
• With all that I have been feeling, I need to remember above all I have been immensely blessed. Even if I had nothing else the fact that Jesus was willing to die on a cross for my sick,sinfulness is more blessing then any human deserves!

We are called to more....

...then this....

  Okay friends there is an issue I am passionate about, and I have some views here...I hope you see my heart! Human trafficking,sex slavery,and child slavery are all issues that are issues of my heart. There is just something I need to say. We as Americans are ridiculous. We spend all this time talking about Charlie Sheen, Who got voted off dancing with the stars,american idol,survivor,who the cute boy is at the table over in the corner (do you think he loves Jesus? lol), and what movie is our favorite and it needs to stop! I am not saying anything to y'all that I dont need to say to myself. We need to worry more about what is happening to the people around us. Jesus has called us to so much more than who has gotten voted off of America's Next Top Model. We need to stand up and do something. As a church we need to care, it needs to break our hearts. Also I am going to be totally honest with yall, yes its important we worry about animals as they can not protect themselves. Seriously though we are more worried about whether or not the chickens have enough room to move around,PETA, or should you eat meat? In my humble opinion we need to deal with the atrocities that face our fellow neighbors first, once those are all dealt with then we can move on and deal with the issue of if the chickens have enough room. When did animals take precedent over the twelve year old girl sold into sexual slavery in a neighborhood within our very own country? It should not be so my friends.
     This is a call to more, a call to a broken heart for the hurting with us,a call to come and be Jesus' hands and feet. This is not just a call to you, but a call to myself as well. I would love it if as a group of people we could come together for a common cause and make a difference. I plan on finding a cause within this realm and i will introduce it here. I would love it if y'all would come and join me.

its....blog....

TIME...

•    so today at work i called an idiot by a customer, i had to put it on mute while i laughed to myself...i can honestly say in this case i was not being an idiot...
• the new francesca batistelli album came out today, and i bought it, but have not listened to it today. I am so stinking excited!
• I found this internship with an organization that fights human trafficking that I really want to do
• The rock and worship road show tour is this friday and I am so excited to go. Lacrae with friends. YES!
• tomorrow night is the first night of the all new and improved skull church, i am going with my friend Gretchikins and  i am so very excited.
• My birthday dinner at fazooli's on saturday was amazing! I high recommend it to yall. Its in somers. 
• so i realized that my blog is not really thought provoking, so my goal is to try to write at least one thought provoking blog a month, we shall see how this goes. 
• well i am sleepy and its time for beddy bye...G'night friends! I lurve you

blogging....

...for books!

• Just wanted to tell you about something pretty cool called blogging for books....so if you love to read and you blog this is the site for you..its from waterbrook multnomah book publishers, and pretty much what you do is pick a book off the list they have for you, you read it then blog a review and post the review to their website and as long as you do that you may then go pick another book and thus the process continues...my first book is on its way! http://www.waterbrookmultnomah.com/bloggingforbooks/

• I just had my 23rd birthday and it was great, am excited for dinner on saturday with friends! Its going to be a good time!

• i had a lot of fun with my friend Sarah this weekend in missoula, not going to lie i am a little jealous she is currently in the warmness of arizonia!
• March 4th is the concert in missoula and i am stinking excited it will be a good time with friends
• btw i would love to encourage each of you to do the 30 day picture challenge on facebook its fun, and amazing to watch others lol 
• loves to you all

you cant choose your story...

...but you can choose your lines....

• I am really enjoying my classes this semester...they are so interesting
• I have decided i need to be more positive
• God has truly blessed me
• I am excited to go to missoula on saturday with some friends...
• thanks for taking the time to read my blog
• if yall could pray for me that would be fantastic...i cant share yet why but soon :)

12 things...

that make my heart happy...

• red nail polish
• cuddling babies
• buying people gifts
• seeing people i love laugh
• gerber daisies
• tulips
• francesca battistelli music
• robin jones gunn books
• writting(fonts)
• sunshine
• tim tebow
• football

thank you!...

to my new followers thank you :) time for a positive post...

• after my emotional outburst (as my boss calls it) in yesterdays post, today was amazing
• i love my kids in my sunday school class...when they move up to the next class i am going to be so very sad...and today was even better than usual for some reason..i had so much fun with them
• i met up with some friends to play volleyball and it was such a blast and hey i was better than usual (even though i kept getting yelled at for talking to much :)) i fully felt comfortable 
• then we came back to my house ate some chili i had made, watched salt and just had fun conversation...
• over all i LOVED my day :) 
• i whine too much about deep friends, i should be thankful for the ones i have been given and work on making those deep :)
• i just cant help it...i am actually excited about my upcoming classes...
• Intro to Psychology
• Intro to Sociology
• Art History Survey II
• Intro to American Government
• Intro to Human Services and Social Work
• I have an amazing roommate...SUSAN GOLLIDAY i love you friend...your dogs eh...well they have their moments
• Tomorrow i have lunch at Bonelli''s bistro with my friend Leslie...i always have fun with her...love you leslie :)
• so this guy i know shane has a blog and he wrote this blog entry and its super powerful yall should check it out....http://shanesmusings.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/how-devoted-are%C2%A0you/
• its time for bed love you all and thanks for taking the time from your busy schedule to read this....i appreciate it 

new year....

...and i am venting...i guess its more of an emotional outbreak...

     Fakeness, I hate hate hate hate it!!! My life has been filled with people who say one thing and then are not there in the end...the long hall...i feel like its such a common thing among Christians and it bothers me... Christians have clicks and i am not saying i am perfect or that i dont participate in this but its wrong... I can understand being drawn toward people you have things in common with but leaving people out is wrong... I think one of the reasons i am on this rampage is because well relationships are important to me and if i have made any of you not think that i apologize.
   I can definitely admit i am not the greatest at them, i try but i feel as if i fall short all the time...I know i have mentioned this before but i think bozeman ruined this for me... I had three amazing woman of God for friends and we were inseparable...in my heart thats the type of friendship i desire...we teased each other,were there for each other and just had an all around blast. I miss that. I am finally after a year starting to in some situations feel like i fit in...the sad situation ( i am not trying to be dramatic or anything of the sort just sharing my heart) is my church is not one of them...I absolutely love the teaching and the worship...but other than that i dont really feel as i fit in...i have been going (two years this summer) and i do not feel as if i have made any amazing friendships... this is most definitely mostly my fault but it bothers me and i dont know how to go about changing that....any ideas friends? I can pretty much say i know i am going to notice this more because well in a week my work schedule changes and i will be working mon-fri 1:30-6:30 i know i am going to end up with lots of time on my hands and its going to drive me nuts....i thrive off spending time with people..heres praying something changes....

its about time...

...i had a new post...

• i for sure fall behind on this whole blog thing
• i feel that my heart is to easily swayed...
• ---i have a pointless crush yet somehow i still manage to have feelings for him
• at the same pathetic time i have a little crush on another person
• grey's anatomy has caught me up in its drama
• i am excited for christmas i do love that holiday
• i should really go to sleep
• i promise more pointed and often blogs in the future

bangs...

...i know have them...

•       I have not had bangs since I was around nine years old...lets just say its a big step. I think i like them. Thanks Susan :)
•       Bangs is a new step in my life toward a more sophisticated me...as is my goal to read a book a week....
• This week i read " Loss of Innocence" by Ron and Carren Clem...Not sure what it will be next week.
• ----great book 
• I am thinking maybe "Because He loves us"- Elyse Fitzpatrick

questions...

...about "tomorrow"

• i feel like my job is pointless...i dont actually help people and I HATE THAT
• i want to make a difference, make someones life better...
• would love to find a job that did makes a difference
• still not sold on being a teacher...
• maybe a social worker, a police officer, or a lawyer
• I know Karlina make up  your mind...goodness gracious
• a friend told me something the other day but someone one else swore her to secrecy so she wont give me more details...good to know she is trustworthy but a little disappointing on the other end because i cant figure out what it is lol...LOVE YOU LEANN!
• I NEED TO GO TO BED...an actual real post tomorrow

more...

favorites!!!

• Bones( the tv show)
• adoption
• heath coffee ice cream
• peanut butter
• shoes
• the color green
• art
• flowers
• quelf
• big sky bible camp
• movies
• making new friends...

12...

of my favorite things

• Singer/songwritter music
• books
• pumpkin pie blizzards
• pumpkin spice lattes
• fall
• rainy days
• Remember the titans
• laughter
• dancing in the rain
• winter hats
• my new printer
• YOU

two...

blogs in two days (SHOCKER)...

• so last night i was reading Genesis chapters 1&2    
• This verse was the first that stood out to me "The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. 1:2" 
• Something about this verse fascinates me...especially the part about the Spirit of God hovering over the face of the waters...It created such a cool mental picture,but not really a mental picture if you  know what i mean...its just so cool trying to picture the spirit of God hovering over the world....something about it makes my heart happy...not really sure why
• The verses on God creating humans, also really got to me in a new way...i got this picture of God as a sculptor forming man and then breathing into the nose, and i can just see man coming alive,its so cool , and then God forming woman...its so interesting..
• Okay so that whole section got me thinking about how even before God hovered over the face of the waters or was a sculptor of man, he knew what man would do, about the fall, the evil man would create, and do to each other. Yet He decided that man was worth it all, that creating them was worth the price... it gets to me...before God sculpted man, or even sculpted me He knew what i would do, who i would be, all my failures and successes and decided it was worth it, that I was worth it. It amazes me. 
• Those were my thoughts last night as i drifted to sleep, so i thought i would share them with yall.

time...

....for a new blog post

• for some reason i love writing the bullet blog...limh(laughing in my head)
• i dont think people should say lol unless they are actually laughing out loud thus LIMH or LOTI(laughing on the inside)
• i start real actual college a week from Monday,it scares me...dont ask me why i just wonder if i can do it
• I am going for elementary education, i love kids and figure i would love to work with them for the rest of my life
• i take my placement test tomorrow...hopefully i dont get put in remedial classes...would be a hit to my pride...hey at least i can admit it 
• i cant wait to switch to part time so i can have a life....yeah for lives haha
• my beautiful big sister that i love a lot is moving back to montana(to billings so its seven hours away) but i am excited
• its currently almost one am and i am drinking coffee and watching ncis(i need to get on a regular sleep schedule...took a four hour nap today)
• sadly my hair is damaged,i left the frosting kit on their too long
• i am a fan of randomness(obviously from my blog)
• i love today's weather, of rain and overcast, ah i love rain it just makes my soul happy
• my favorite song of the moment is "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles, its kinda mean but i love it and its catchy...also "the finish line" by Train
• Shawn McDonald needs to come to kalispell...though his divorce does make me question my love of his music,but i cant help it, its super great and speaks to my soul, so i figure God is still using it
• i miss babysitting, so if you need a babysitter this fall give me a call...i love kiddos
• this fall i hope to build some new friendships and build more on some old ones,so if you want to hang out let me know:) i would love to get to know you better
• i just got a twitter update by Rick Warren its a great quote "God lets you choose whether you'll be arrogant or anointed but you cant be both"
• okay so i need to go to sleep that is all for now!!
• 
  

lunch...

...was interesting today...
          
                so it all started when i asked my coworker megan were she went to eat lunch and if i could join her...she ate at the picnic table outside and of course said yes...well we are sitting there just talking about movies and such when are coworker travis walks by and says something about us sitting there eating and he was smoking so i was like are you walking around the building smoking? which somehow turned into the fact he hates the fact he smokes and wants to quit and then how he does not like himself and then somehow about souls and what the bible says about souls and the fact he is agnostic and megan is something like agnostic and then i asked how you could believe part of the bible and not all of it...that just doesnt make sense to me...so we discussed that for awhile and we did not get to finish our conversation...but i enjoyed it a lot...it was good and the first time in a LONG time i discussed things like that with people who do not believe like i do at all...it was so good for me and refreshing...i hope to finish it tomorrow and that we all grow from our discussion...who knew who knew....

life...

sometimes is lonely...

                    Do you ever feel?

• you dont know where you fit in
• you have this passionate desire in your heart you are pretty sure wont come true?
• how did i get here?

 ok so enough depressing thoughts... i finally have a job its at a bank of america call center...its interesting...when i get on my normal schedule in like two weeks i will work tues-friday 2:30pm to 11pm and sat from 9-5:30pm with sunday and monday off...its going to kill my summer...i am going to miss camp SOOOOOOOOO very much...that place hold such a special place in my heart....

• sometimes i feel like i want to move somewhere where i know no one and see how i would do
• my current life plan is to attend fvcc for two years and then transfer to the university of Hawaii at monoa
• i think i am finally giving up on my happily ever after....
• sometimes i wonder who my true friends are

hello world...

again...

• I suck at this whole blog thing...lets see if i can do better
• school is over in a week, and i am excited but i shall miss my classmates...
• I will miss pick on Daniel days...just wont be the same...poor guy
• i have another job interview tomorrow i hate them, because so far no job
• this is the weekend of bonfires for me; one Friday night and one Sunday night...i am excited
• i really must manage my time better but i just love hanging out with people
• I am in this REALLY great small group on Thursday evenings...i love it and the people in it...its grand and helps me to grow
• I am giving up my search for the green eyed, scarved man...sad panda
• i have no idea what i am doing with the rest of my life and it scares the crap out of me
• I am horrible at staying in touch
• even because of the above i love my friends and family
• i am tired and really must go to sleep
• love to you all...btw is anyone reading this?

okay...

...i am back...tomorrow or sunday i shall begin the adventure of blogging agian...prepare to read lol love you guys